You're What?
by HR always live on
Summary: Another fic taking place from the end of 10-6. HR obviously. When Ruth lays dying, she reveals something to Harry that shocks him. Ch 6 up.
1. Chapter 1

**Starting again from the end of S10, and going from there.**

* * *

Sasha lunged for Harry but Ruth stepped between them and she gasped as the glass sank into her flesh. Ruth put her hand to the injury, and before she knew it her legs had given way and she fell to the ground, Harry's arms around her as she collapsed.

"You're all right," he soothed, pressing a hand to the wound. She moaned in pain at the pressure. "Call for help!" he shouted to Erin. He didn't have the attention to watch her call an ambulance, instead he looked at Ruth. "You're all right," he repeated.

"It doesn't feel like that," she said quietly. "This feels like the end."

"No, don't talk like that," he said. "This is just a… blip."

"We have a lot of those," she said. "I'm so… so cold."

Harry used his hand that wasn't applying pressure to the wound to hold her face gently. "Four minutes away on the helicopter," Callum said.

"You hear that, Ruth, help's coming."

"I'm not going to last that long," she said. "Am I Harry?" He stayed silent and she closed her eyes. "I always liked that you respected me too much to lie to me. Now I wish you'd had a little practice at it."

Harry stayed silent. He never could lie to her. He could omit things that she wasn't allowed to know at work, but lie to her? No. Ruth closed her eyes. "No, you have to keep looking at me," he said urgently, slapping her face lightly. "Wake up and keep breathing for me." As soon as he said it, her breathing became far more laboured.

"I'm… struggling."

"I know," he said. He could feel panic and despair coming over him, but knew he had to hold off, he had to keep it together and keep Ruth talking. He felt Ruth's hand cover his, pressing on the wound. Her grip on him wasn't strong at all. "Keep talking. Tell me about your house."

"It needs… a bit of work," she said, eyes flickering closed as she took small shuddering breaths. "It has a gorgeous green front door. It's old and looks a little… woebegone, but I love it."

"How many bedrooms has it got?"

"Two," she said, her words slurring now.

"Stay with me, Ruth," he said firmly.

"Two bedrooms. One… would be for the baby." Harry didn't react for a moment as the words sank in.

"Are you…?"

"Pregnant, yes," she said. She looked at him for a moment, then her eyes slid away to the sky. "I'm sorry, I didn't know… how to tell you. And you were distracted by Elena. The longer I left it, the harder it got. Now… Oh, well, I guess it doesn't matter now." That speech had exhausted her and she gulped in the air.

"Don't say that," Harry said, stroking her hair. "Of course it matters.

"I love you, Harry," she said. "Please… don't forget that." Her eyes closed just as they heard the helicopter approaching. Erin leaned down and put her fingers on Ruth's pulse.

"She's still here," Erin said. "Faint, but it's there. Don't move your hands, Harry."

"Erin," Harry said, his voice warning. He had never needed her advice less. The helicopter landed and Harry had never been more relieved to see paramedics approaching. He found himself unable to move his hands away from her injury though. He couldn't. It wasn't until the paramedics forcefully moved him aside that he stopped touching her.

"She's pregnant," he said, his mind unable to come to terms with the words he was saying. He wanted to put his head in his hands, but they were covered in Ruth's blood so he refrained. All he could do was watch while they worked on her. He couldn't even see her. Pregnant. Oh God. If she lost the baby, she'd be devastated, he knew that more certainly than he could say.

"Did you know?" Erin asked.

"Of course I didn't know! You think I'd have let her be in danger, had I known?" he said, watching the paramedics leaning over her, trying to save her life. "How could I know?"

"Well…" Erin said pointedly. Harry briefly looked at her before turning his attention back to Ruth.

"It isn't mine, Erin," he said, the stress making him open up more than he usually would. "It can't be."

She paused in surprise for only a second. "Ah."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the encouragement for Ch 1. Hope this second installment doesn't disappoint.**

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Harry sat in the hospital waiting room, waiting to hear anything about Ruth's condition. She'd been alive when the helicopter landed, but further than that he had no idea. Beyond washing his hands, he'd done nothing else since arriving at the hospital but wait. He hadn't been allowed in the helicopter, not enough room with the paramedics working, so he'd driven to St Mary's hospital, breaking multiple speed limits on the way. His driving had been so erratic by stress and worry that Erin had asked if she could take over and drive. Of course he'd said no.

So now he sat, waiting for news. There was a strong possibility Ruth could be dead right now. He might never see her again. The last thing she'd said was that she loved him. And he, being too thrown by the shock of her pregnancy didn't have his wits around him long enough to say it back. Of course he loved her. Of course he did, pregnancy aside. Whose baby is it? In no way could it be his, he'd never slept with Ruth. No matter how much his body and soul longed to. She had to get through this. They had to have more time. This couldn't be it. How could they have wasted so much time? It was so stupid of them both.

He looked at his hands. The nails were still rimmed with red. Ruth's blood. Please don't let that be the last time I touch her, he thought. He had to have been sitting here waiting for news for hours. Would someone hurry up and give him some news?

"Mr Pearce?"

"Yes," he said, standing up. The doctor wore scrubs and indicated for him to follow him, which he did, just a few paces down the hall, out of the waiting room.

"How is she?" Harry asked desperately.

"We've had to operate on Miss Evershed's lung, but we've repaired the damage and… given a bit of time, she should make a full recovery.

"Full recovery?" he asked. "The baby?"

"Every surgery is risky for a foetus this young, but we did all we could and there's nothing to alarm us at this stage. We'll obviously monitor the baby, but everything should go smoothly with the pregnancy."

"How old… I mean, how far along in the pregnancy is she?" The doctor frowned for a moment, not answering. "She didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was stabbed," Harry added. "I just wondered."

"The foetus looks about nine weeks," he said. "Would you like to see her?"

"Very much." Harry followed the doctor and soon enough he was sat by Ruth's bedside. She was unconscious, a mask over her face presumably giving her oxygen.

"How long?" he asked the doctor, his eyes still on Ruth. "Until she wakes up?"

"At least a couple of hours, but anything up to a full twenty four hours is possible. It all depends on her."

"Okay, thank you," Harry said. Soon he was left alone with her, and he grasped her hand tightly, stroking her skin gently. "You know, there could have been a thousand other times you could have told me you were pregnant with another mans child. Why do it when you were losing consciousness? I can't ask anything now." He sighed and closed his eyes. "But none of that matters right now. I just need you to be okay. To open your beautiful eyes and look at me. And I'm not leaving you until you do, okay?" He squeezed her palm and watched her sleep.

* * *

Harry woke up with a start as the door opened and a machine was wheeled in. "What…?" he asked, not yet awake enough to form sentences.

"We just need to check the baby," a female doctor he hadn't seen before said. "As Ruth hasn't woken up yet, we're just taking extra precautions. You're welcome to stay." Harry had absolutely not intention of leaving her, whether he was allowed here or not.

He watched as the doctor wheeled the machine in and started setting it up, trying to shake off sleep and mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see. He couldn't lie to himself, he had daydreamed and fantasised about Ruth being pregnant, but when they had a scan, she was firstly conscious, and secondly the child was always his. The reality was so much of a let down.

He averted his eyes when the doctor rearranged Ruth's hospital gown, not wanting to invade her privacy. He didn't look at her again until he heard beeping from the machine. Ruth's stomach was exposed and the doctor had the ultrasound machine on her skin. The minutes crawled by and nothing was showing on the screen.

"Is there a problem?" Harry asked calmly.

"No. The foetus is only about an inch big at this stage, it just can take a while to find, that's all." Harry stayed quiet as the doctor worked. He'd been to several ultrasounds with his two children, but none quite like this. He still had a tight grip on Ruth's hand when the rapid heart beat filled the room. Harry had no reaction, beyond saying, "is everything all right?"

"Yes," the doctor said, smiling. "I just had to check."

"Is that it?" he asked quietly, looking at the screen. "It's tiny."

"Yes, normally we wouldn't do a scan until twelve weeks, but yes."

"Can you…" Harry swallowed hard and looked away from the screen. Still looking at their joined hands, he continued. "Can you print a picture? Ruth will want to see."

"Of course." He looked away as the doctor fiddled with the machine, surprised by the surge of jealousy he felt. He was insanely jealous that Ruth was pregnant by someone else. How could there possibly be any hope for them after this?

Harry kept thinking over that until the doctor left, leaving him and Ruth alone. The picture of the baby was resting on Ruth's bedside table, the other side to Harry. Which was good because Harry didn't think he could bring himself to look at it.

* * *

 **More soon, probably after the weekend.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I've spent the afternoon trying to get this chapter right, so I hope you enjoy! Thanks for the reviews left so far.**

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"Hi." Harry jerked his head up, looking at Ruth. She'd lifted the mask from her mouth and she looked very tired. But she was speaking.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, relieved to see her awake.

"Like I've been hit by a truck," she said. Fear filled her face for a few moments before she spoke. "Am I…?"

"The baby's fine," he said, correctly reading her worry and pushing down his jealousy.

"I am so sorry," she said, shaking her head before breathing in through the mask.

"For what?" he asked, though he had a shrewd idea.

"For telling you I was… pregnant before, when I thought I was dying. I shouldn't have ever done that. It was so selfish of me." She shook her head. Harry didn't know what to say. "I'd wanted to tell you before, but I couldn't find the right words or the right time."

"I understand that," he said. "But when you think you're dying is most certainly the wrong time." Her lips twitched at that.

"Point taken."

"Ruth, it's probably none of my business, but I'm… I have to know. Who?"

"Harry…"

"I have to know," he repeated.

"No one important," she said.

"Ruth," he said, and he knew a warning tone was in his voice but he couldn't help it. "You can't do this to me."

"An old friend from University," she said. "It's unimportant."

"How could you sleep with someone else?" he asked before he could stop himself. He knew she was recovering from a stab wound but he couldn't help himself.

"You put me on a pedestal, sometimes Harry," she said. "Sometimes I get the impression that you think I don't have human failings. I was lonely, unbearably lonely, Harry. And I made a mistake."

"You need to keep breathing into the mask," he said, not unkindly. She put it back to her face for a few moments.

"Do you remember, about ten days before the inquiry finally sat, you were on suspension. You called me and…"

"I remember," he interrupted. He had wanted to protect her, but in hindsight, pushing her away probably wasn't the best move. He shouldn't have made that phone call. He thought he was heading to prison for Albany and thought it would be best in the long run if Ruth simply stopped talking to him. Disassociated from him completely. So he'd made a terse, rather harsh phone call.

"You ignored me for nearly two weeks after that," she said. "Until the inquiry. I… well, I was lonely. And I needed someone to talk to. When an old friend wanted to see me, I made a mistake," she repeated. She sighed before continuing.

"Harry, I don't think you realise how much your actions can hurt me. That call you made to me when you were suspended, telling me so clinically that we couldn't even talk any more. The weeks of this Elena business with you not once explaining to me anything about it." She ran out of air and returned to the mask for a few moments. "You've hurt me with your indifference over the last few weeks. Which is why I couldn't exactly find a good time to tell you I was pregnant."

"It's not indifference," he said, squeezing her hand. "I'm trying to protect you from the worst of me. Because if you see that, me at my worst, then you probably wont want me."

"You're not an easy man to love, Harry. If I was the kind of woman to run at the first sign of trouble, I wouldn't be here, still wanting you."

There's silence in the room apart from the beeping of Ruth's machines. "Knowing you were pregnant, why did you ask me to leave the service with you?" he asked.

"I needed to know, in something other than conversations never finished, and glances held too long, whether you wanted us to work. Properly. And yes, I probably should have told you before hand." Harry stared at her.

"Probably?"

"Definitely. It doesn't change how I feel, it just makes things…"

"Complicated," he said. "Yes, just a little."

She sighed then took a deep breath. Then cringed when she realised how much that hurt, clutching her side.

"Ruth?" he asked in concern, wondering if he should get a doctor.

"I shouldn't have done that," she gasped. "Damn, breathing hurts."

"Put the mask back on." She did, but kept one hand on her chest.

"I don't want to upset you, Ruth," he said. "Especially after all you've been through, but I need time." She nodded as he thought very carefully, weighing his words before he spoke them. "I'm just hearing this, about the baby and you've had… some time to come to terms with it." He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at her as he carried on. "I don't know if I can cope with being with you, when you're pregnant with someone else's child. I don't want to lie to you, and tell you it'll be fine when I don't know it will be, and I…" He sighed heavily. "I don't want to tell you I can handle it, then a few months down the line… realise I can't."

"That's fair," she said, though her eyes looked incredibly sad. "Just don't leave me waiting forever."

He forced a smile. "I'm... relieved and pleased to see you awake." She smiled at that and he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I'll come and see you tomorrow. Get some rest." She nodded and he felt guilty for leaving her in hospital, but he had to. He needed some space, some time to think. "There's a picture," he said, indicating the ultrasound which she hadn't noticed, as since waking up she hadn't taken her eyes off of Harry. She picked it up, looked at it and smiled, then looked at Harry.

"Thank you."

* * *

 **More soon, thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews for this story so far. I quite enjoyed writing this chapter in particular, so I hope you enjoy reading it.**

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Harry waited until dark, which wasn't long, then went onto the grid, to sit in his office and think. He'd called the hospital a couple of times to check on Ruth's condition, and she was still doing well, much to his relief. Once he was sat behind his desk, he thought there was a possibility he might be able to think more clearly. He always thought more clearly at work than he did at home, or anywhere else for that matter. He poured himself a small whisky then sat down, wondering what on earth he was going to do. He loved Ruth, but this was not a small thing to cope with. How could he be with her when in a few short months she'd have a baby which wasn't his? He finished his whisky and debated having another one. He didn't want to get drunk, and he knew if he started downing the whisky, the bottle would be empty before he knew it.

He looked up in surprise as the door of his office opened. He'd thought he was alone on the grid. "Erin, what can I do for you?" he asked.

"I thought I'd find you here," she said, sitting down opposite him. "I got a call from Ruth."

"Is she all right?" he asked concerned.

"She's worried about you," Erin said. There was silence for a few moments as he ran through what he wanted to say in his mind. He couldn't do this being subtle, if he was going to talk, he had to talk properly. Erin wouldn't be the person he'd have chosen, but she was in front of him right now. He'd take what he could get.

"I love her, Erin," he said. "But she slept with someone else. And I am going to have the evidence of that in front of me every day. I don't know how I can cope with that. Even… If I can."

"Harry, she's alive," Erin said. "You know damn well that's the most important thing."

"Of course I'm glad she's alive," he said. "I don't know if I'd ever recover had she… died." He paused before saying the word. Contemplating Ruth's death was the stuff that haunted his nightmares, and far too recently, it seemed like it could be the possible future. "But… this?"

Erin sighed, twitching her lips as if debating what to say. As if coming to a decision, she spoke. "When she was dying in your arms, you didn't care that she was pregnant. You didn't care that she'd slept with someone else. All that mattered was the woman you loved, dying in your arms. Don't throw that away." Erin took a deep breath. "I think you know that… it won't matter in the long run, it's just going to be hard."

Harry closed his eyes. "I really thought… I really hoped that Ruth and I had done the hard part. I want it to get easier."

"She's lying in a hospital bed, from a stab wound, which she took for you. Whatever else, she must love you to do that. Has she ever forgiven you a mistake?" Harry shook his head, more in desperation than disagreeing. "I'll leave you to it," she said. "Just call Ruth at some point. She _is_ worrying about you."

"Yes," he agreed. Once Erin had left he thought in the silence for maybe an hour more. He was thinking through every possibility, every option for both him and Ruth, and he could only come up with one option he could live with. That he wanted to live with. Which meant he had to talk to Ruth first.

* * *

Ruth awoke at five past four in the morning, according to the digital clock on her bedside table. Her lung felt incredibly tight and she lay with her eyes closed as she tried to breathe slowly. The doctors had suggested she try to breathe without the mask if she felt ready for it. Anything to get her out of hospital so she'd happily agreed. But now her chest felt tight. Once she felt in control of herself, she looked to her right and found Harry watching her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "It's four in the morning."

"I had to see you," he said. "I pulled some strings so they'd let me in."

"That doesn't answer my question," she said. "Why are you here?" Harry switched the bedside light on and they blinked for a few seconds, getting used to the light.

"I need to talk to you," he said. "Or do you want to sleep?"

"I can't sleep, seeing you looking so agitated," she said. "Talk to me."

"You've got your mask off," he said. "Are you any better?"

"It hurts," she said simply. "Carry on."

"What bothers me isn't that you're pregnant," he said. "It bothers me that not so many weeks ago you could randomly sleep with someone else. Then want to be with me on a more permanent basis. Ask me to leave the service with you. That is my bigger problem."

"Okay," she said. "I don't know what I can say to fix this. I do love you, but I'm not foolish enough… or naïve enough to believe that telling you how I feel will fix everything." She gasps at the effort that long sentence cost her and it takes a few seconds before she stops flinching.

"What if it were me?" he asked. "What if I'd slept with someone a couple of months ago and the woman turned up carrying my child. How would you feel?"

She was silent, but not because she was ignoring him. She was thinking it through. "I'd feel… hurt. Very hurt. And… insanely jealous. I'd also…" She started chewing her bottom lip.

"Also?" he asked when she showed no indication of carrying on the sentence.

"I wouldn't be able to stop picturing it," she said quietly. "Another woman with her hands all over you." She couldn't look at him, because for the first time she could appreciate what was going through his mind. Even the suggestion of Harry being with another woman had her mind going to places she'd rather it didn't. And Harry would have a permanent reminder due to her growing stomach. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," he said. "I cannot bear thinking of another man touching you and…" He didn't finish his sentence.

"You should go," she said quietly, trying not to cry. "If you don't… or can't do this, I'd rather you leave. It's too hard to have you here, so close to a future I can't have." Her eyes were damp, but she couldn't stop herself from crying.

"I can't leave you," he said. "It would be easier if I could, but I can't. I want you. I want us, and I cannot leave you, unless you seriously would rather I leave."

"I wouldn't," she said. "Of course I wouldn't."

He smiled slightly at that. "I probably could live without you. But I really don't want to. I don't want to have to try living without you." He reached for her and gently curved his palm around her cheek. "Promise me you wont try and die on me again," he said very quietly.

"I'll do my very best," she said. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. She smiled against his mouth. "You need to shave," she whispered, her fingers caressing his cheeks in a way that shouldn't have been arousing, but was.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare." He smiled and kissed her again, making her sigh against him. The kiss turned passionate, their tongues dancing against each other until Ruth started pushing him away, her hands on his chest. He stopped in bewilderment, which faded when she gasped for breath.

"Sorry," he said when her breathing returned to normal.

"Don't be," she said. "Just let me up for air every so often." She took his shirt in her hands and pulled him to her again. He smiled in the moments before their lips touched.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter. I've really enjoyed writing the last few chapters. Hopefully I can sort all this mess out for HR at some point!**

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"What about the father?" he asked as he handed Ruth a bag of her things. He'd quickly been to her flat to pick up some of her clothes and that question had been going through his head the entire journey away from the hospital.

"I've told him," Ruth said. "It didn't go down too well. He seemed to think it was entirely my fault and that he had nothing to do with it." She rolled her eyes before grabbing her phone that Harry had brought her.

"And this is an old University "friend", is it?" Harry asked cynically.

"Oh, he'll calm down," she said. "He just doesn't like anything complicating his life."

"Do I get a name?" Harry asked tersely. "Or do I keep having to refer to him as "the father?""

Ruth looked at him sharply. "I thought…"

"I said I wanted to be with you, and I want to try to make it work. It doesn't mean I like thinking about him," he said, interrupting her, and holding her eyes with an intense gaze.

"John," she said, clearly reluctant. "He wanted me to… get rid of it, and I've not spoken to him since."

Harry looked at her sharply. It had never even occurred to him about an abortion, because he knew without even asking that that wouldn't be an option for Ruth. "I'm sorry," he said. "That can't have been… nice."

"No." She closed her eyes in surprise as Harry kissed her very gently. When they parted, she put her fingers to her lips as the door opened and a doctor came in, checking her vitals.

"Harry, I need to get out of here," she said, rather fervently.

He was delighted to hear that Ruth wanted to get out of hospital quickly. It meant that she was getting better and recovering, and no matter his private feelings and misgivings about Ruth and her pregnancy, her getting out of hospital could only be a good thing.

"If you insist on going home, we can't stop you," the doctor said. "But I must make it incredibly clear to you, you **_must_** stay on bed rest, and someone needs to be taking care of you. For the baby if you wouldn't do it for yourself."

"I will," she said. And she meant it.

"She will," Harry confirmed. The doctor looked at Harry as if considering whether he was a strong enough force to keep Ruth in bed when she was recovering. After a moment, he nodded and filled out a form.

"Well, if you get this prescription filled out, then I can sign your discharge papers and get you home."

Ruth nodded and when they were alone a few minutes later, Harry turned to her. "Talking about discharge papers…"

"You want to leave the service?" she asked. "Seriously?"

"Do you?"

"I'm done," she said heavily. "I can't do it any more. I can't deal with the scum of the earth, investigating terrorists, making links with different splinter groups, waiting for bombs to go off… I cannot do it any longer and I want to leave the service. While I'm still sane."

"You're not technically working for the security services any more," Harry said.

"I know," she said. "But I don't want to be a politician Harry. I never did."

"You need to tell Towers."

"I will," she said. "Though I don't think he'll be that surprised. He knows I'm… what did he say? "Tied" to you."

"Mm," Harry grumbled. "I'll resign my commission when you get home."

"Don't do it for me," she said. "Do it for you. If you do it for me, you'll end up resenting me for it."

"I am done," he said. "The longer I stay in the service, the longer I see that it chews up everything and everyone who goes into it. And I've lasted a lot longer than most. If I stay any longer I can see me either being shot or imprisoned. Probably by my own side, because I know too much. I am retiring. It is not for you. Not only for you," he added fairly. I want a life with you. I decided that when I was thinking about the baby. I have made that decision."

She gave him a warm look that couldn't quite be put into words. "Do you want to move out of London?" she asked.

"Your house?"

"No," she said, shaking her heads. "I got outbid. I've been checking my emails," she said, holding up her phone. "It's far too expensive now, and really… I'd quite like to find something with you, rather than stick you in the house that's my vision. I want it to be _our_ house." He smiled for a moment, then thought of something.

"I have a house," he said. "On the south coast, owned by a false identity of mine. Dorset. It's totally empty and needs a hell of a lot of work. But it's in a beautiful place. It's far from London in a sleepy little village. You could come and see it, when you're off bed rest? See if you like it, or if you'd prefer somewhere else."

"Why do you own that?" she asked curiously.

"It was a bolt hole," he said. "If I ever needed it. I've never used it though. It's got a lovely view." Ruth didn't say anything so he carried on. "If you want us to buy something together…"

"We'll have a look," she said gently. "I'm not going to say yes or no before I even see it." He smiled at her as the doctor returned, proffering her a form.

"So if you read this and sign here…"

* * *

 **More soon, probably after the weekend again!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I've meant to post this chapter for a couple of days now but keep getting distracted! Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy. Also a big thank you to all those who are reviewing this.**

* * *

"I'm okay," Ruth said for the fifth time as she got out of Harry's car at his house. They'd decided that it would be better if she went to Harry's house, because as much as she didn't like to admit it, she wasn't ready to look after herself yet. Even getting from the hospital to the car had felt like a trial for her and she felt frail and tired.

"Sit down," Harry said firmly as they walked into his house. She did, closing her eyes in exhaustion as she sat on Harry's sofa. That had been harder than she'd expected and her chest was pulling around the stab wound.

"Tea." She opened her eyes to find Harry proffering a mug towards her. She took it gratefully, wondering if she'd actually slipped into a doze for a few minutes. "Are you sure you should be out of hospital?" he asked, seeing her pale face and the shadows under her eyes.

"Yes," she said. "I need to be somewhere else. I can't keep staring at the same four walls."

"Well, I'm not letting you get out of bed," he said firmly.

"A girl could take that in a different way than you intended," she said, a faint smile on her face.

"Maybe, when you're better." He smiled slightly and she sighed.

"I'm sorry to be really bad company, but I think I need some sleep."

"Sure," he said. "Can you make the stairs?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Just... give me your arm?" He nodded and after a struggle up the stairs, Ruth half fell to the bed in the spare room. Harry resisted the strong temptation to ask if she was okay, though it was hard.

"I'm going to sleep," she said. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise," he said. "Just rest."

"Mm." She didn't even get undressed before her eyes were closing. Harry watched her for a moment before removing her shoes, covering her with a blanket and quietly leaving the room.

* * *

Ruth awoke with a jerk, feeling totally disorientated. The room was unfamiliar and dark and she knew from the pain in her chest that she'd been asleep long enough for her painkillers to have worn off completely.

"Are you all right?" She jumped, as she'd thought she was alone. Fumbling for the bedside light, she switched it on and found Harry sitting in a chair watching her.

"Why are you here?" she asked, taking him in. He wore a T shirt and some jogging bottoms, which she couldn't imagine had ever been used for jogging.

"I couldn't sleep," he said. When she kept looking at him, he elaborated. "I had a nightmare that you couldn't breathe. I just needed to look at you, to make sure you were okay."

"Yes, I'm okay," she said.

"Do you need some more painkillers?" The honest answer was yes, but she didn't want Harry to leave to go and get them for her. "I'll be right back," he said, correctly reading her silence. When he returned with a glass of water, she took her pills gratefully.

"Sorry I slept all day," she said.

"I think you've earned it," he said.

"Get in bed," she said.

"What?"

"Well, sleeping in the chair can't exactly be comfortable," she said. He paused for a moment longer. "Unless you don't want to…" she finished, suddenly feeling embarrassed and rolling onto her side so she didn't have to look at him. It wasn't until she felt the mattress dip under his weight that she turned back to face him.

"How are you?" she asked.

"How am I?" he said in bewilderment. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I feel like I've been sleeping for quite a while," she said, avoiding answering the question. She knew she wouldn't go back to sleep now, having been dozing for around 14 hours or so, but the novelty in watching Harry's face wasn't wearing off. Never before had she felt free to simply look at him. On the grid she always felt like she had to look away, remain professional. She'd spent cumulative hours watching him, but never when he hadn't been speaking, or thinking through a problem relating to work.

"You're watching me," he said quietly, without any criticism in his voice.

"I was…" she trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

"Go on," he urged, stroking her hair almost in encouragement.

"I was admiring your face," she said. "That's all. Your lips, your eyes. Just laying here, admiring you."

"It's not like you've not seen me before," he said.

"Not this close," she said. "And not when I felt like I had the luxury to take my time." He smiled, seeming only slightly embarrassed by her attention to him. "I want to kiss you," she said. He raised his eyebrows and she took that as an invitation. She pressed her lips to his softly. The kiss started gentle, but when he groaned against her mouth, she had to touch him, her hands pushing up his shirt to stroke his back.

"Oh God," he murmured, her hands sending shocks through his body. Before he engaged his brain, his hands had found their way under her shirt, caressing her stomach, her waist, avoiding her dressing on the left side of her rib cage, then moved his hands higher. He cupped her bare breasts, squeezing gently as she let out a high pitched moan. She'd fallen asleep in her clothes, but wore no bra. Then his brain clicked in, and he remembered why. _Her chest, the stabbing, her lung._ He dropped his hands from her, the softness of her breasts almost imprinted on his palms.

"You're recovering from a collapsed lung and a stab wound," he said under his breath.

"Are you telling me or yourself that?" she asked.

"Myself," he said fervently. "If I don't remind myself, I'm going to end up pining you to the bed and ravishing you. Which wouldn't be the best for your recovery."

"No," she said. "But otherwise, I'm sure I'd be very interested in that itinerary," she said with a smile.

"Just interested?" he asked, somewhat disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm.

"Well, had my body got the energy I'd have my hands all over you this second," she said. "But I don't think I've got the strength to fulfill it to the end. No matter how much I want to. And I do want to, Harry." He smiled and touched her bottom lip with his thumb very gently.

"Go to sleep." She closed her eyes, knowing sleep was pointless, but also guessing that Harry would be unlikely to relax if she was still awake. And he needed to sleep, she thought as he leaned over her to turn the light off.

It took a while, but eventually his breathing evened out and she risked opening her eyes. She discovered that she enjoyed watching him sleep and she hoped she could do it more often.

* * *

 **More when it's written!**


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